13 Steps to Cope with a Cheating Spouse

Managing a spouse’s infidelity is one of life’s most stressful events. Follow these steps to cope with the situation...

Do not make any major decisions

According to www. marriage.about.com, do not quickly think about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognised and dealt with.

Understand that feelings are neither right nor wrong

Accept that your feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful spouse are normal. You will be on a roller coaster of emotions for a few months and possibly even up to a year or two afterwards.

Take care of yourself

You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhoea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, and difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or overeating.

Balance is key

Despite your pain, you must force yourself to eat healthy foods, stay on a schedule, sleep regular hours, get some exercise each day,  drink plenty of water, and have some fun.

It’s still okay to laugh

Watch some funny movies or TV shows. Spend time with people who make you smile. Life goes on in spite of heartaches and unfaithful spouses.

Begin a journal

Write down your thoughts and feelings about your spouse’s unfaithfulness. Ask all the questions you want. Talk with your spouse about the infidelity. However, you may have to accept that your spouse may not know why the infidelity took place or may not want to reveal this to you.

Seek counselling

Do not try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone! However, don’t shout from the highest mountain to all you know that your spouse is an unfaithful jerk. Carefully choose whom you will share this information with. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier and counselling can help get answers to questions.

Take it one day at a time

You and your spouse should both be tested for AIDS/HIV and STDs before you resume sexual intimacy without protection. Consider what boundaries you need in your marriage in order to stay in the marriage. You might wish to contact an attorney and get these documented in a postnuptial agreement.

Your children need to know that you are going to be okay

 You can’t hide the fact that you are going through serious stress or trauma. Being honest with your children might be the best approach depending upon their age, but don’t weigh them down with details. Also, don’t make promises that you can’t keep.

Try not to get into the blame-gaming

 It is important that you do not get yourself worked up over who or what caused the infidelity. It’s just wasted energy and it will not change anything. Also, think twice before you tell your family or your spouse’s family about the infidelity. Family members can often hold grudges for a long time.

You may have post-traumatic stress

If you are jumpy, yell at trivial actions, feel like you are walking on egg shells, and continue to have physical reactions when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician as soon as you can. Medication, even temporarily, might be a good idea.

It takes time to get beyond the pain

Don’t expect the mixture of feelings, the sense of confusion and limbo, and the mistrust to go away just because you’ve tried to forgive your spouse and made a commitment to save your marriage. The stages of death and dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are part of the grieving process. It doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But, it will be different. Remember that your marriage has changed. You will need to grieve that loss.

Get practical

Should you decide to end your marriage, look at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc.  Make sure you have thought out where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc.

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PICTURED! Woman stabs husband for cheating

A video which has been shared thousands of times online, shows the moment an angry wife stabbed her supposedly 'cheating' husband in the middle of the street. The man is seen in the middle of the road wearing a blood-soaked shirt and trying to escape as the woman advanced towards him. 

According to reports, they were already arguing before she attacked him. When he tried to escape, the woman followed, leaned towards him, appearing to stab a knife into his torso. The man then yelled out in pain and stumbled away as he again tried to put distance between himself and his wife. Watch the video after the cut... 

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Pictured! Man Murders Wife’s Lover On Matrimonial Bed

A 32-year-old businessman, Ezekiel Igbokwe, has been arrested by the Ogun State Police Command for allegedly killing his wife’s lover, Victor Olatundun.

Igbokwe was said to have killed Olatundun after he caught him having sex with his wife at their matrimonial home. The suspect allegedly committed the offence at about 12am at Peace Lodge on Itura Street, Awa Ijebu, Ijebu-North Local Government Area of Ogun State.

The suspect, who committed the crime on Wednesday, July 27, was arrested by the police the following day.

Igbokwe and his 28-year-old wife were among the 23 suspects paraded at the Ogun State Police Command headquarters, Eleweran, Abeokuta, on Thursday, for various offences ranging from murder to illegal possession of firearms and ammunition.

Igbokwe, who said he was a businessman, explained that he had returned from his trip to Onitsha and met Victor on top of his wife on their matrimonial bed. He said he picked a machete in the toilet and cut the victim in the neck and hand.

Olatundun reportedly died on the way to the hospital. Igbokwe, who deals in electronics, said he was born in Ago Iwoye, Ogun State.

He said, “I travelled to Onitsha on July 25, and when I came back on July 27, I met a man inside my room making love to my wife. Then we started fighting. The man was stronger than me. When I saw he could overpower me, I got a cutlass in my toilet and dealt him blows in the hand and neck. On the way to the hospital, the fuel in the car finished and he died.”

Igbokwe said he committed the crime due to anger, adding that he never meant to kill the victim. He claimed that he had never met Olatundun before, saying he also never suspected that his wife was having an extra-marital affair with anyone.

Punch Metro learnt that Igbokwe and his wife, Juliet, have three children aged nine, seven and five. Juliet, who sobbed intermittently, said her alleged lover had been pressurising her for a relationship for some time.

She explained that she had always told him she was married, but the victim never gave up until he ended up at their matrimonial home on that night. Juliet, who said she sold snuff, said Victor was her supplier and he pestered her for six months before she finally gave in.

She said she suspected that the deceased used a charm on her, as she could not explain how it all happened. She said, “He had been disturbing me that he wanted to marry me, but I said I was married.

“On the day of the incident, I really can’t say if he used a charm on me. All I know is that he called me that he wanted to see me and I told him not to come; he knew my house and when he came, I didn’t know what happened.

“He used to come and deliver snuff to me in the house. On the day of the incident, he told me he was coming from somewhere and that it was already late. He wanted to sleep in our place till the next day. He didn’t know that my husband was away. He tried to sleep with me, but later he didn’t.”

Juliet, who claimed that she got married to her husband in 2005, said the husband did not take good care of her and the children.
She said their marriage had been turbulent and fraught with fights and quarrels.

The mother of three said each time there was a fight, her husband would leave the house for months.

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